I Could Not Believe It
The following are exclusive excerpts from I Could Not Believe It: The 1979 Teenage Diaries of Sean Delear, out today from Semiotext(e) and available in the Pioneer Works Store.
WEDNESDAY, 21 MARCH 1979
Dear Ty,
Today I ditched school to go see Jack. I did not get caught. Me and Jack were in the store necking and holding each other. It felt so good. Then someone came in, and he works there, so that was that. He has a lover that lives with him so he can’t take me home. He said come back next Wednesday and we would have a hot sucking and necking time. I got two new mags: a Honcho and a Blueboy. They are both pretty gnarly and I went to the book stand and just started looking at the gay mags and the guy who works there said to tell him which one I wanted and he would put it in a bag and I could read it at home, I didn’t have any money. There is the new mag that costs $8.75 but it is worth it all the way because it has a lot of hard-ons all through it. I wanted to rip it off. “Oh well.” Well I might ditch tomorrow I don’t know. Oh, I have to write a “suicide note.” Well good night.
Love,
Tony
FRIDAY, 23 MARCH 1979
Dear Ty,
Well you will never guess what I did to Terry? Mom went to a basketball game in LA tonight and I spent the night at Terry’s house. First we started play-fighting and he was winning until I grabbed his cock and it was hard as a brick wall. Well, I was already hard anyway because I am gay that’s why I grabbed at his cock. Then we stopped and went to bed, then we started talking about sucking cock and I said “I would” if he put it in my mouth. He had to make the first move. Then he did. I put my head back on the bed and he stood up and put it in my mouth. His cock has gotten a lot bigger than it was. Then I started sucking hard on it, then he shot his cum all over my mouth but pulled away too fast and cummed on my chest and that was the end of that. Hope we do it again.
Good night.
Love,
Tony
SATURDAY, 24 MARCH 1979
Dear Ty,
Well I went to Coast Valley Spa & Racquetball today it was so fun. First, I did these exercises they told me to do for my legs for track. They think I am going to really join the club but that is a bunch of bull anyway. Then off to the pool, there it was a lot of fun. I saw so many cocks and I had a hard-on the whole time I was in the pool. There was this one guy with the most BITCHEN BOD and we were in the vapor room and I of course had a hard-on and he was laying down on his back and had his eyes closed and I was just staring right at his cock it was not all that big but it was nice and he had a semi hard-on. Oh well. I want to go back on the weekend. I hope. Well I went bowling today too. I bowled a 178, 131, and 105, not bad. I brought my average up I hope. I don’t like Tyler anymore. “Oh well!” Well good night.
Love,
Tony
Sean DeLear, 1988.
Courtesy of Sean DeLear International.
Sean DeLear, 1984.
Courtesy of Sean DeLear International.
Sean DeLear, 1981.
Courtesy of Sean DeLear International.
Sean DeLear, 1982.
Courtesy of Sean DeLear International.SUNDAY, 25 MARCH 1979
Dear Ty,
Well today we had to cut the grass good so we can show the house as soon as possible. Well I borrowed Pete’s 200 mm zoom lens for my camera today to take pictures of my hamster’s face. Now I can’t wait to get them back to show off to everyone at school. Well I have to take my radio back because the 8-track player plays the tapes too slow in the machine. So I am going to get my money back and save my money for a waterbed, or an autowinder, or a tripod, or a good, good remote control car like at Smith Brothers’ hobby store. Who knows what. Well good night.
Love,
Tony
WEDNESDAY, 28 MARCH 1979
Dear Ty,
Well I did not go to Jack’s today but I wished I would have. I love him so much I think. Well I want to get it on with him anyway. Well I did not go to track today so I guess that means I quit. Well it rained again only at night not during the day I am so glad. I hate the rain so much I like the snow better. Mom took my radio back today and I got my $47.67 back. I want some more mags so bad. Maybe I will go rip off one. Who knows. “Oh Well.”
Good night.
Love,
Tony
SUNDAY, 1 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
This must be my luckiest weekend. Yesterday with Tyler and today this guy I met at the swap meet. First I went into the can and I saw some nice cocks. There was this one guy who had suck-tight pants you could see every bump and bulge in his jeans. He had a cock about 5" to 6" long soft. Well, the guy I met today had a nice big cock and we left the swap meet and went out in a field and made out. It felt so good I want to go down there every weekend even though I won’t be able to. His cock was about 8" long and his foreskin covered the whole head I could not believe it. It turned me on so much, his cum tasted so bad though. He was a little taller than me and probably about in his late 30s but he was nice. But he lives out in LA and comes all the way out to the Simi Swap Meet to get head. That is a long way for head. “Oh Well.” I did not have the nerve to call Tyler today. I will wait till Sat. and talk then. Good luck I hope.
Well that’s all for tonight. Good night. Sweet dreams about Tyler.
Love,
Tony
FRIDAY, 6 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
I went to Jack’s today and he almost got caught today. She came in about 45 minutes early and that was so fucked. I walked right out the front door with the new Blueboy and Honcho. “Oh Well.” Then I went to the book stand and they wanted to see an ID but I don’t have an ID. “Oh Well.” Then I wanted to go to the mall but did not have the time so fuck that idea, then I started to thumb and got picked up by this guy who looked at every girl (fat or skinny) on the streets so fuck that too. Then he dropped me off by the bus stop and I walked back to McDonald’s and these two guys were laying in the grass in front of the library and one had on shorts and no joke he had the biggest balls and I looked right at them and he laughted (ha ha) and there were these two guys in McDonald’s, body builders, and one had the nicest pouch through his jeans and was a total babe too. Well that’s all, oh tomorrow Tyler. Good night.
Love,
Tony
SATURDAY, 7 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
Well I went to bowling today and in the tearoom, me and Tyler sat peeping through the glory hole in the wall at each other. Then he asked if I could make myself cum and I said YES like a dumbass and he said “cum” then and I started to beat my meat and could not cum then he walked out I was so pissed. Well I don’t think me and Tyler will ever have a love affair. Too bad. Tonight we are going to go to Dad’s and are looking for houses in the morning. I have the worst stomachache in the world so I cannot go out like last time, what a dud. I hope me and Tyler get together somehow but I doubt it. Well, that’s life. He is a little stuck-up anyway. He thinks he is better than everyone else. Oh his friend has the nicest cock in the world it is so big. Boy would I love that. And he was showing it off to everyone at the bowling alley. “Oh Well.” Good night.
Love,
Tony
TUESDAY, 10 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
Well the probation dud came and I have to go to counseling again. How FUCKED. I did not have time to go to the bowling alley but did go out at midnight tonight and I went to the Plankhouse to pick up a trick but no luck. But I did meet this guy who was so drunk it was pitiful. And he barfed in the back of his truck, how sickening huh. And he was staring right at my cock and it was bulging right out of my pants and he said he wished he was “a little straighter” right after he was looking at my cock. I asked what he meant and he said that he was not so drunk. Too bad huh. I went to my new flame’s house and looked in his window and he was fast asleep. He is so weird though. But he has a nice bod TOTALLY. I have to call him, he lives on my route, and I have to call Mark (the fox).
Well that’s all for tonight. Good night.
Love,
Tony
WEDNESDAY, 11 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
Well Mom caught me last night and I told her that I was jogging and she said “SURE” like always and now I think I am grounded again, what a dud. She will not tell me how long I am grounded for like always so I did not ask yet. We went to Gemco today and they have the skates I want in size ten. They won’t last long but who cares. I am going to rip them off anyway like everything else I have. I did not rip off this diary!!! Surprise. Surprise. I got my thing back from Barbizon today and am going to get an interview as soon as I get my hair done. It looks so bad all the time I hate it so much. Well that’s all for tonight. I did not call my new love or Mark today. Tomorrow I hope. Good night.
Love,
Tony
THURSDAY, 12 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
Well I called my new love and Mark and they were not home. I have to think of what to say to both of them before I call back. Dad called and said, “Don’t ever go out at that time of night,” etc. We were going to go to the show but Eric did not want to like always. So we (me and Mom) are going to go see SUPERMAN tomorrow. What a babe, he is foxy—get off. I am having thoughts about taking money from Jim again because I am broke but if I got caught I would be arrested for blackmail. That’s all I need right now. I would take about $500.00 or so but that is not much I don’t think (yes it is) but he won’t think so. It will take a while to figure it all out. Well Good night.
Love,
Tony
THURSDAY, 19 APRIL 1979
Dear Ty,
Well I forgot to call Mark or new love and I forgot to call about the Village People, oh well. I took the records today and Mr. Brooks would not let me and Lupe get a record player from the library. I don’t know why. So he says he will bring his little girl’s tomorrow but she won’t let him I know. I cannot believe how popular I am getting. I know anybody who is anybody who is anyone. It is so bitchen knowing everyone at school. I think I can get the guy who lives on the corner of Sequoia and Medina. Lori has that house on her route and that guy is gay for sure. Well Good night.
Love,
Tony ♦
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